well when everybody said you guys were fighting they made it sound kind of cute like awww they're friends now and they like to fight so it made me happy but this sounds a little different sorry but i really HATE the idea of you being hurt for real
i didnt expect shenhe to not be mad at you or want to fight you for real i mean we killed her!! it makes sense to want to fight you! its not logical to hate her for it but part of me is really pissed off right now you dont seem mad but are you not mad because it didnt matter or because you think you deserved it? BECAUSE THAT'S THE PART I REALLY HATE HOW COME ONLY SOME PEOPLE DESERVE TO GET HURT AND SUFFER? ITS SO FUCKED UP AND WRONG I HATE IT I HJTE IT I HATE IT
[fine she'll concentrate. she's at the warehouse i guess because this thread started concurrently with the haru one? well. whatever. it's not concurrent anymore, it was text so who knows how long it was going on.
anyway she's not running off to do something reckless. what would that even be. she's just BIG MAD. she's been trying hard not to be, to hold all of these super conflicting feelings and loyalties and contradictions in her head and be okay with them. she saw livio decide to be kind to kyoko and decided that revenge is kind of dumb.
but there is only so long she can force herself to stay a nice girl with an understanding heart when there is a part of herself that is so, so angry and the point of all of that anger and violence she has in her is supposed to be for protecting people she isn't even able to do anything for?]
[ hate that we decided the froggystyle warehouse overlaps shibuyas lingerie store because now gerard has to go crouch amongst the bras again to talk to her but it’s okay he will suffer through this for her. ]
I’m allowed to have some time to consider my answer to your existential questions!
[ GEEZ ]
… Anyway, I don’t think I deserved it.
And at the time maybe I did think that, but I don’t anymore.
I think you’re right, that it’s kind of a strange line to try and figure out who deserves pain and suffering and who doesn’t. But as soon as it was done, she came to me and said she regretted it, that revenge doesn’t help or make anyone feel better especially considering I was already contrite and I agreed and we were able to put it behind us. I can take care of myself around these people, and they really are good people. We’re all sort of learning to navigate deeply illogical waters.
I think if you want to be angry with her you can. We’ve- or at least I’ve heard quite a bit about how people are entitled to their anger and emotions, and I think it’s only fair that you are afforded the same grace. But I don’t think you need to be, at least not on my behalf. I’m okay. Really.
[...this does help, actually. enough for her to cool off. she's not even mad at shenhe, really. she's just mad at the idea of gerard, immediately after she had to go through killing him and trying to do it in whatever way would hurt him least, to picture it happening again without her there. it just feels gross and unfair.]
...If I'd died and you were alive, they wouldn't have killed me. They'd have felt too bad. But if they had tried, it would have gone badly for them.
[ that much is probably true, though he had spoken to lambda enough now to think that actually she might enforce this rule even on ylfa but probably most wouldn’t. ]
It would have, you’re very strong. [ … He doesn’t think he should say this next bit either but. ] There was talk of when Simon arrived he might seek revenge and I should consider accepting it, but I’ll be honest that I had no desire to let him hurt me for his own purposes and I really disliked the idea of simply laying down and letting him.
That's stupid. If he wants to try to kill me, he can.
[he can try. anyway she's less mad about the simon thing, since he didn't even do it, than she is at the idea he would have had to just agree to that.]
...I talked to him yesterday. I feel really bad about it all but also I kind of hate him! He kept going on about how it's my fault he killed Fukuzawa so he'd look sympathetic or something and my fault Setsu threw his monkey into lava and my fault Livio and Amelia stopped trusting him. Auuuugh! He doesn't get to kill you too and then be like, it's your fault I did that!
He absolutely cannot and I certainly won’t stand by if he does?
[ ylfa can be all tough but its still fucking gerard up for him to even try it. ]
I don’t think he wants to feel any guilt about it. It’s easier to blame all of us. Maybe it is our faults on some level, but he still made his own choices.
I'd apologize to Yuzuriha, and Netzach, and Livio for that, and I did, and none of them would accept my apology. I'm sure not going to apologize to him for what he did.
[anyway, making a face at that.]
See, you say you wouldn't accept it, but I have to accept stuff? I know things are weird here, but we're about to go back home and if you keep forgetting how things work you're going to get killed by the princesses really fast when you try to fight them all at once instead of letting me do it.
Tell everybody that I'll let stuff go that already happened but if anybody there hurts you again they're going to have to deal with me, too. [don't tell anybody this. it's such a bad idea.] Unless it's just friendly or something or an accident, but you have to be honest with me about that.
I will be honest with you about it. And I’m not going to fight the Princesses all at once! I don’t even know that we’ll need to fight all the Princesses anyway.
Sure, I don’t know the exact mechanics of it, or how possible it really is - but part of the prize of returning to life was getting to pick a point in time within reason. It wouldn’t do much good to go back to the moment before a sword hit, or right before you drowned.
Now the problem is we didn’t actually quite die at that time, so who knows if that changes it, but … I’d think the prize would be the same. We could go back to when we met the Princesses. Try again. Not lose the book to Rapunzel. Take Mira with us. Convince Elody, maybe.
I guess that makes me a little worried about Jack and Henry and Tomas. Like what if something went wrong, and we lost them this time. I think that would be really hard…
[but…]
Overall, I don’t think we could have fucked up with the princesses harder than we did, and I think we had the Jack situation under control, and it would be good if we have the book and the Goose doesn’t have to like, sacrifice itself, maybe…
I just wonder whether if you try to rewrite the story that way you don’t risk making it worse.
[even if she has weird feelings about it. she wants him to convince her. she wants to be wrong, and that it isn't actually so unfair that you can love someone as much as he loves her and for that to mean nothing.]
And - we shouldn't have tried to put Cinderella in the book. And we shouldn't have left Mira there. And I guess we all kind of freaked out that we were wrong about them that we never stopped and considered what specifically they were wrong about. Snow White knew a lot less about all of it than we did, so maybe they just got it wrong at some point.
[ it really is a bit selfishly tied to that desire to try talking to elody again. maybe do it right this time. you almost never get the chance to get a do-over on a conversation you know you fucked up, that could actually change things. maybe that's wrong of him to want that so badly, instead of just continuing to own up to mistakes he's already made. ]
I don't know that we have the whole picture either. And we'll need to do better at convincing them.
[well, it doesn't have to be a do-over in that sense. it isn't some dishonest impulse to try and pick the right dialogue options this time. it's more that he's changed a lot, and wouldn't have done it the same way anymore.]
We don't, but we at least know that you can't just fight them. It's going to have to be something else. And I think we know that it's possible.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It doesn’t not suck.
But it’s alright. We have both learned some lessons and are better friends for it?
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when everybody said you guys were fighting they made it sound kind of cute
like awww they're friends now and they like to fight
so it made me happy
but this sounds a little different
sorry but i really HATE the idea of you being hurt for real
i didnt expect shenhe to not be mad at you or want to fight you for real
i mean we killed her!! it makes sense to want to fight you!
its not logical to hate her for it but
part of me is really pissed off right now
you dont seem mad but are you not mad because it didnt matter or because
you think you deserved it?
BECAUSE THAT'S THE PART I REALLY HATE
HOW COME ONLY SOME PEOPLE DESERVE TO GET HURT AND SUFFER?
ITS SO FUCKED UP AND WRONG
I HATE IT I HJTE IT I HATE IT
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uh oh ]
Stay where you are and concentrate for a bit, alright? I’ll come find you.
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anyway she's not running off to do something reckless. what would that even be. she's just BIG MAD. she's been trying hard not to be, to hold all of these super conflicting feelings and loyalties and contradictions in her head and be okay with them. she saw livio decide to be kind to kyoko and decided that revenge is kind of dumb.
but there is only so long she can force herself to stay a nice girl with an understanding heart when there is a part of herself that is so, so angry and the point of all of that anger and violence she has in her is supposed to be for protecting people she isn't even able to do anything for?]
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Hey Ylfa.
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[bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh even the sight of him crouched under bras does not improve her mood.]
You didn't even answer anything I said, you just said "I'll be there" and then said "Hey."
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I’m allowed to have some time to consider my answer to your existential questions!
[ GEEZ ]
… Anyway, I don’t think I deserved it.
And at the time maybe I did think that, but I don’t anymore.
I think you’re right, that it’s kind of a strange line to try and figure out who deserves pain and suffering and who doesn’t. But as soon as it was done, she came to me and said she regretted it, that revenge doesn’t help or make anyone feel better especially considering I was already contrite and I agreed and we were able to put it behind us. I can take care of myself around these people, and they really are good people. We’re all sort of learning to navigate deeply illogical waters.
I think if you want to be angry with her you can. We’ve- or at least I’ve heard quite a bit about how people are entitled to their anger and emotions, and I think it’s only fair that you are afforded the same grace. But I don’t think you need to be, at least not on my behalf. I’m okay. Really.
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...If I'd died and you were alive, they wouldn't have killed me. They'd have felt too bad. But if they had tried, it would have gone badly for them.
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It would have, you’re very strong. [ … He doesn’t think he should say this next bit either but. ] There was talk of when Simon arrived he might seek revenge and I should consider accepting it, but I’ll be honest that I had no desire to let him hurt me for his own purposes and I really disliked the idea of simply laying down and letting him.
He didn’t try, for what it’s worth.
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Nothing happened! And to be fair, I wanted to tell Simon it was me. We can have discussions on responsibilities and all but also he is unhinged.
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[he can try. anyway she's less mad about the simon thing, since he didn't even do it, than she is at the idea he would have had to just agree to that.]
...I talked to him yesterday. I feel really bad about it all but also I kind of hate him! He kept going on about how it's my fault he killed Fukuzawa so he'd look sympathetic or something and my fault Setsu threw his monkey into lava and my fault Livio and Amelia stopped trusting him. Auuuugh! He doesn't get to kill you too and then be like, it's your fault I did that!
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[ ylfa can be all tough but its still fucking gerard up for him to even try it. ]
I don’t think he wants to feel any guilt about it. It’s easier to blame all of us. Maybe it is our faults on some level, but he still made his own choices.
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[anyway, making a face at that.]
See, you say you wouldn't accept it, but I have to accept stuff? I know things are weird here, but we're about to go back home and if you keep forgetting how things work you're going to get killed by the princesses really fast when you try to fight them all at once instead of letting me do it.
Tell everybody that I'll let stuff go that already happened but if anybody there hurts you again they're going to have to deal with me, too. [don't tell anybody this. it's such a bad idea.] Unless it's just friendly or something or an accident, but you have to be honest with me about that.
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We might be able to, you know. Go back a little.
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Now the problem is we didn’t actually quite die at that time, so who knows if that changes it, but … I’d think the prize would be the same. We could go back to when we met the Princesses. Try again. Not lose the book to Rapunzel. Take Mira with us. Convince Elody, maybe.
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I guess that makes me a little worried about Jack and Henry and Tomas. Like what if something went wrong, and we lost them this time. I think that would be really hard…
[but…]
Overall, I don’t think we could have fucked up with the princesses harder than we did, and I think we had the Jack situation under control, and it would be good if we have the book and the Goose doesn’t have to like, sacrifice itself, maybe…
I just wonder whether if you try to rewrite the story that way you don’t risk making it worse.
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[ but for real, how could they have fucked up with the princesses harder than they did. it was so bad. ]
I know it's a risk. I think we should take it.
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[even if she has weird feelings about it. she wants him to convince her. she wants to be wrong, and that it isn't actually so unfair that you can love someone as much as he loves her and for that to mean nothing.]
And - we shouldn't have tried to put Cinderella in the book. And we shouldn't have left Mira there. And I guess we all kind of freaked out that we were wrong about them that we never stopped and considered what specifically they were wrong about. Snow White knew a lot less about all of it than we did, so maybe they just got it wrong at some point.
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I don't know that we have the whole picture either. And we'll need to do better at convincing them.
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We don't, but we at least know that you can't just fight them. It's going to have to be something else. And I think we know that it's possible.
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[ this isn't a great plan, considering both of their horrible charisma scores, but maybe together? ]
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I'll help you. But what are we trying to convince her of? To trust us? To trust you? To trust that we have a better plan?
[those are sort of three separate things.]
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[ He'd like her to trust them, and him specifically, but he knows that's an uphill battle. ]
Probably the third one is the best way.
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