Yeah. Or a game, maybe. I could see like...the dialogue people were going to say as they said it.
[she takes a deep breath.]
And there were parts where the hallucination went away. And it was just dark and everything was nothing and I felt like I was nothing for a really long time. And then it would all just come back. I never found out why that was happening and when it came back everyone kept acting normal, like they didn't notice.
[ help they really put this little girl through? hell? help me. gerard is a little stunned to speak for a bit, but then nods and tries to find something comforting to say but then can't think of anything. its kinda too horrible. ]
i rolled a nat 20 at the most opportune time possible. she registers just how fucked up gerard thinks this sounds and is very emotional about it. like extremely relieved. wiping her eyes a little with a paw.]
Yeah. But like, no one else noticed and I'd try to bring it up and they'd be like "are you okay?" but they wouldn't seem to really get it at all. But Rin was real. I could tell he was the only real one. So I was trying to talk to him about it so he'd know I was real, too, but he wouldn't listen to me. He only wanted to talk to Amelia.
...And I got really mad at her. And I figured out I could delete her, so I just did.
I just knew. Just like I knew everything else wasn't.
[that's true, amelia seems very undeleted.]
...I know. She came back, fortunately. But even so, everything that happened to her after that, her getting hurt so badly, that happened because of me. And even when I was alone with Rin, finally, he was just - it wasn't good, either. Because all of the bad things were happening because of me. He was drowning and I tried to help him but I couldn't because if I even got near him it was just making everything worse.
[ is that why she doesn't want to be near anyone. ]
I really don't think it was happening because of you. I think it wanted you to feel that way, to hurt you. The place I went to knew about things in my head too, that I hadn't told people before either.
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[ he'll just follow her head on this one. ]
So a hallucination you were sort of stuck in?
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[she takes a deep breath.]
And there were parts where the hallucination went away. And it was just dark and everything was nothing and I felt like I was nothing for a really long time. And then it would all just come back. I never found out why that was happening and when it came back everyone kept acting normal, like they didn't notice.
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What the fuck.
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i rolled a nat 20 at the most opportune time possible. she registers just how fucked up gerard thinks this sounds and is very emotional about it. like extremely relieved. wiping her eyes a little with a paw.]
Yeah. But like, no one else noticed and I'd try to bring it up and they'd be like "are you okay?" but they wouldn't seem to really get it at all. But Rin was real. I could tell he was the only real one. So I was trying to talk to him about it so he'd know I was real, too, but he wouldn't listen to me. He only wanted to talk to Amelia.
...And I got really mad at her. And I figured out I could delete her, so I just did.
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he leans over to turn the wolf nightlight on? there there. ]
How did you know he was real?
[ ... ]
For what it's worth, Amelia seems perfectly undeleted.
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[that's true, amelia seems very undeleted.]
...I know. She came back, fortunately. But even so, everything that happened to her after that, her getting hurt so badly, that happened because of me. And even when I was alone with Rin, finally, he was just - it wasn't good, either. Because all of the bad things were happening because of me. He was drowning and I tried to help him but I couldn't because if I even got near him it was just making everything worse.
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I really don't think it was happening because of you. I think it wanted you to feel that way, to hurt you. The place I went to knew about things in my head too, that I hadn't told people before either.
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gerard thinking she's afraid of him. like ylfa has any fears about her own bodily autonomy.]
...I don't know, Gerard. It's one thing to say it, and to say that this was probably something Monika felt, but it really - I don't know.