...Kind of. Just because I'm still sort of getting used to looking at you and going "that's Gerard." But I'm happy for you. [not totally happy, though. a little sad and a little resentful about it. just a little. thanks, emotionshare.]
[ yeah. he gets all of that, actually, because it was sort of the same thing that he feels when he sees it still. so he doesn't begrudge her feeling that way. ]
I know. It's-- It's not entirely. [ he holds up his hands? webby. ] And I don't mind that. I didn't actually want to see it all go. There was a part of me that was grateful, for being a frog when I needed it.
[it does sort of comfort her, that it's not all the way. and she doesn't want to feel bad about it. she just sort of does. they were supposed to be monster buddies together. but what was happening to him was also a lot harder to accept than hers was for her.]
...I liked you, as a frog guy. That doesn't mean I don't like you now or anything, though. It's just - sorry, you probably hate hearing this, but that's who you are to me.
[ he really doesn't hate hearing that, and you can tell because it's emotion share. ]
I get that. [ he has to take a minute, to think over how to phrase this. because this is kind of important. ] It is correct to say that no matter what I do, there will always be a period of years where I was a frog.
And I used to think that was the worst fate imaginable. Elody said, and I believed it to be true, that truly nothing I did or would ever do could escape that shadow. But I don't know that I believe that any longer. It is who I am, but not because of what I appear as, but because that is how I grew up. It is who I will always be, but he is not a bad person.
But the truth is that I liked me as a frog guy too. I was better. I was kinder, and stronger, and more brave than I ever was as a Prince. And I'm honestly a bit afraid that being this way will make me forget again what it is to be those things, which are much more important than any amount of handsomeness or whatnot.
I'm not so afraid of that, but it makes me feel like we don't have as much in common anymore...
[she does like hearing all of this, though. it is the right thing to say. gerard didn't deserve to have a curse turning him into something he hated being, but she also didn't hate what the curse had made him, found nothing bad or gross about him at all. so it's a relief to hear him say it, too. the person he was, as a frog, was good. there's no prince in any story who was half as good and brave and strong and kind as he was to her. she doesn't think being a prince will change him so significantly but she does feel in some way defensive every time someone is excited and sees this as positive, as though it's someone saying what he was before wasn't as good.]
...I will. I'm glad, too. Because you don't deserve to be cursed.
I don't know. I don't think it erases anything we had. Or will have in the future? Obviously-- We'll stick together. Even after all of this. I don't know what our situation will be, or what shape I'll even be in by the end of all of this, but whatever it is, wherever I am, you'll have a place there.
[ it makes him deeply sad to hear she thinks they don't have as much in common anymore? emotion share might betray this a little, but he's trying not to show it too much. it's not fair and it's not an easy thing to unravel either.
but he feels a little less bad when people see it as a positive because actually for the most part they seem to be interpreting it fairly accurately, which is that maybe he's just managed to pull himself out of believing the absolute worst about himself all the time. despite everything, he's doing better, bit by bit. ]
Neither do you. And if that's something you want to work on, we can, but I also like you as you are.
[ also he recognizes entirely her fears and trepidations about this but also she has a cute little human face and a mostly human body. he would like to be able to date humans again. and not the weird humans who would date a giant frog. ]
I kind of think my thing is kind of cool, not a curse... [like it has DOWNSIDES and she's not exactly ever going to be a pretty princess, but overall it is fairly cool to be a werewolf as long as you've gotten the part where you go feral a bit more under control.] But I appreciate it.
[she will just give him a hug again when he's sad, because she didn't mean that.]
Of course it doesn't erase anything. Honestly, we have way more things in common now than we did at the start of this, anyway. [like surviving a murder game. like being family. like repping team froggystyle with shirts. it's just one thing that they had before that's sort of gone now, that they're both sort of turning into monsters, and that's a little sad. but it doesn't make the other things stop being meaningful.
and anyway, she did need him to say that. that they'll stick together. that she has a place with him. she doesn't know what will happen, or what she'll do, but there isn't anyone in the world who makes her feel more like she has a home.]
I just sort of...need you to always be my friend. [not that she thinks this is putting that in jeopardy, it's just generally, she needs to have a place with him, in his life, because he is her family now. but that's a slightly difficult thing to admit, so friends it is.] But besides that, it's really okay. [if it's different, if things change, if it's not exactly the same as it was. as long as he's there, because he's important.]
...If everything turns out okay, in the end, with the princesses and the Arthurs, and we're able to get some say in our stories from now on, what do you think yours would be?
[ he will just stay hugging her for a bit, putting his chin on top of her head. ]
You know, I'm not entirely sure yet. There will be things to figure out, with Elody and the kingdom and what all that means for me, but I think I wouldn't mind adventuring some more.
[ i know in canon he goes to like pull a coup on his parents but idk that he's feeling that in this timeline so much. at least not yet. ]
[ fair enough, though this is a very new thing for him too - accepting that there might be a future to actually have to live in - and he's not practiced at it. ]
Buzen and Matsui showed me a few new sword forms, so I'd like to try them out. And I'm sure even if we write our own stories there will be still be problems in the world, and we've gotten pretty good at getting around, so maybe we could go help out a bit. There's things we heard about but never got around to doing, right? I mean, we never even made it to Shoeburg.
Oh, so wherever you are, I'll always have a place there, except for Toy Island, huh? Wow!
[when he said that it was the kind of thing that's going to change her forever; the sort of promise that means everything to a kid who family locked her out one day and tried to drive her away, who followed a bunch of adults on a suicide mission for no reason other than not having anywhere else to go and needing one.
so obviously she immediately has to joke about it.]
Because I'm never going to be on Toy Island! So I won't have any place to go there anyway! If you want to go to Toy Island, I'm not going to stop you, but I'm not fucking going!
[ yeah! but also he's so fucking serious about toy island he's NEVER going there again it was SO BAD. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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face. ]
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[that's not what he means.]
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[ no, no, this is fine. it wasn't what he meant, but it's fine. ]
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[WELL I DO WANT TO ANSWER THE REAL QUESTION SO ASK IT.]
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[ whatever. this is not the point. ]
I meant more in the sense is it ... odd. For you.
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[well. weird emotions, so. probably yes.]
...Kind of. Just because I'm still sort of getting used to looking at you and going "that's Gerard." But I'm happy for you. [not totally happy, though. a little sad and a little resentful about it. just a little. thanks, emotionshare.]
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I know. It's-- It's not entirely. [ he holds up his hands? webby. ] And I don't mind that. I didn't actually want to see it all go. There was a part of me that was grateful, for being a frog when I needed it.
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...I liked you, as a frog guy. That doesn't mean I don't like you now or anything, though. It's just - sorry, you probably hate hearing this, but that's who you are to me.
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I get that. [ he has to take a minute, to think over how to phrase this. because this is kind of important. ] It is correct to say that no matter what I do, there will always be a period of years where I was a frog.
And I used to think that was the worst fate imaginable. Elody said, and I believed it to be true, that truly nothing I did or would ever do could escape that shadow. But I don't know that I believe that any longer. It is who I am, but not because of what I appear as, but because that is how I grew up. It is who I will always be, but he is not a bad person.
But the truth is that I liked me as a frog guy too. I was better. I was kinder, and stronger, and more brave than I ever was as a Prince. And I'm honestly a bit afraid that being this way will make me forget again what it is to be those things, which are much more important than any amount of handsomeness or whatnot.
I'll need your help, staying on track.
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[she does like hearing all of this, though. it is the right thing to say. gerard didn't deserve to have a curse turning him into something he hated being, but she also didn't hate what the curse had made him, found nothing bad or gross about him at all. so it's a relief to hear him say it, too. the person he was, as a frog, was good. there's no prince in any story who was half as good and brave and strong and kind as he was to her. she doesn't think being a prince will change him so significantly but she does feel in some way defensive every time someone is excited and sees this as positive, as though it's someone saying what he was before wasn't as good.]
...I will. I'm glad, too. Because you don't deserve to be cursed.
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[ it makes him deeply sad to hear she thinks they don't have as much in common anymore? emotion share might betray this a little, but he's trying not to show it too much. it's not fair and it's not an easy thing to unravel either.
but he feels a little less bad when people see it as a positive because actually for the most part they seem to be interpreting it fairly accurately, which is that maybe he's just managed to pull himself out of believing the absolute worst about himself all the time. despite everything, he's doing better, bit by bit. ]
Neither do you. And if that's something you want to work on, we can, but I also like you as you are.
[ also he recognizes entirely her fears and trepidations about this but also she has a cute little human face and a mostly human body. he would like to be able to date humans again. and not the weird humans who would date a giant frog. ]
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[she will just give him a hug again when he's sad, because she didn't mean that.]
Of course it doesn't erase anything. Honestly, we have way more things in common now than we did at the start of this, anyway. [like surviving a murder game. like being family. like repping team froggystyle with shirts. it's just one thing that they had before that's sort of gone now, that they're both sort of turning into monsters, and that's a little sad. but it doesn't make the other things stop being meaningful.
and anyway, she did need him to say that. that they'll stick together. that she has a place with him. she doesn't know what will happen, or what she'll do, but there isn't anyone in the world who makes her feel more like she has a home.]
I just sort of...need you to always be my friend. [not that she thinks this is putting that in jeopardy, it's just generally, she needs to have a place with him, in his life, because he is her family now. but that's a slightly difficult thing to admit, so friends it is.] But besides that, it's really okay. [if it's different, if things change, if it's not exactly the same as it was. as long as he's there, because he's important.]
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[ he will just hug her back, squeezing tightly. if anything he feels okay, finally, to be in a place where he can feel okay to make some promises. ]
I will always be your friend. No matter what.
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You know, I'm not entirely sure yet. There will be things to figure out, with Elody and the kingdom and what all that means for me, but I think I wouldn't mind adventuring some more.
[ i know in canon he goes to like pull a coup on his parents but idk that he's feeling that in this timeline so much. at least not yet. ]
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[she just mainly wants to hear him say what happens after, the specifics of what it is doesn't matter so much.]
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Buzen and Matsui showed me a few new sword forms, so I'd like to try them out. And I'm sure even if we write our own stories there will be still be problems in the world, and we've gotten pretty good at getting around, so maybe we could go help out a bit. There's things we heard about but never got around to doing, right? I mean, we never even made it to Shoeburg.
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[no!]
...That sounds good, though. I wouldn't mind coming with you to do that.
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I am never going back to Toy Island.
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[when he said that it was the kind of thing that's going to change her forever; the sort of promise that means everything to a kid who family locked her out one day and tried to drive her away, who followed a bunch of adults on a suicide mission for no reason other than not having anywhere else to go and needing one.
so obviously she immediately has to joke about it.]
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[ yeah! but also he's so fucking serious about toy island he's NEVER going there again it was SO BAD. ]
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...We didn't even have time to see all of the sights. There's supposed to be a carnival.