[it just feels like it. even if he says it's not, it feels like it.]
I didn't want them to die, even though it isn't like I was going to pick them to live instead of us.
All it did was make him feel horrible. It didn't help at all. [and even if she has thought it didn't matter, it has been a lot, to keep putting herself into that overwhelming despair. at least if they had lived then maybe it would have felt worthwhile somehow, but now she just feels small and stupid.] It was just their time, probably.
I don't think that's really a crazy thought to have? I think that's normal. To not want these people to die. It's not like this is a situation that gets asked of people.
I don't know that the impulse was wrong either. We wanted to help and we only had that one way to try. It-- didn't work. But not trying might have been worse.
[maybe it's normal if you aren't supposed to be death...? this does help, though.]
It feels like trying to not want them to die keeps going wrong. [she found herself softening a little, in her attitude, after seeing how buzen, matsui, even rang lee fought for them and cared for them, wanting to care back. and now they're all dead and it just feels. pointed, somehow.]
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[ at least the thing about emotion share is that he can figure out SOME small things. ]
You know that it is not your fault, right?
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I didn't want them to die, even though it isn't like I was going to pick them to live instead of us.
All it did was make him feel horrible. It didn't help at all. [and even if she has thought it didn't matter, it has been a lot, to keep putting herself into that overwhelming despair. at least if they had lived then maybe it would have felt worthwhile somehow, but now she just feels small and stupid.] It was just their time, probably.
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I don't know that the impulse was wrong either. We wanted to help and we only had that one way to try. It-- didn't work. But not trying might have been worse.
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It feels like trying to not want them to die keeps going wrong. [she found herself softening a little, in her attitude, after seeing how buzen, matsui, even rang lee fought for them and cared for them, wanting to care back. and now they're all dead and it just feels. pointed, somehow.]
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I don't know.
[it's not that she doesn't know, though.]
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[ it's not like he doesn't know either! ]
I think it's okay still to not want people to die.
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[but maybe it's different for her. that's the fear. maybe there isn't any room for a little girl here anymore.]
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We know that the rules can be changed, right? So maybe there's a way to do something about that.