[ he looks a little ashamed when buzen shows him his hands. he doesn’t want him to feel guilty about it, or anything, he’s just sort of a wimp. ]
It really isn’t terrible. Hard to think you’re in a loop if you stay injured, right? Those types of things wouldn’t stay.
[ but, uuuuuh. shaking his head so quickly at the offer. ]
You don’t need forgiveness - you already have it. You really don’t have anything to apologize for. [ long lasting grudges aren’t really his thing. slow-burning anger isn’t his sin. if he’s angry it’s quick and hot and passes pretty harmlessly in the end. ] You weren’t of your own mind. I think I’m the one that should be apologizing. I— we could have looped again. Figured out some other way with you and Nahida. And I’m the one that tried to destroy it.
[ . . . hmmm. buzen crosses his arms in thought at that, tilting his head. there's a look of understanding on his face, but there's something a little disquieted too, now that he's had a chance to talk to both nahida and gerard]
... then "you don't need forgiveness - you already have it". Those were the words you used, right? I'll borrow them too, if that's okay.
Everyone was tired of the loops. Nahi-chan was frustrated, and we could only stand losing our friends and each other so many times. Each one hurt. It was a tough way to end it... but it ended. So maybe you're the reason we were even able to get out of there, Ge-san.
... even though I imagine it's hard to sit with what happened... You aren't the bug, Ge-san. You're not an existence that destroys others.
[ ... maybe it's character growth that instead of just arguing with everything buzen is saying from the forgiveness to the belief that gerard is probably not an existence that destroys others, he's really quiet for a long, long moment.
the thing about seeing elody again is a good reminder of the fact that he never really listened when she told him things either, and that maybe hearing other people when they tell you things is something he should try to be doing. ]
I-- [ he wipes at his face. ] Okay. Yeah. I think I know that. I do know that.
[ or at the very least, he doesn't think he'd ever try to do it again. ]
[he nods... and then will go to cross most of the distance between them slightly when he sees gerard wiping at his face. he'll crouch in front of him, still just a little more than arm's length]
... I'll keep reminding you when it gets hard to remember. Nahi-chan will too. We're not mad at you.
You've been working hard the entire time you've been here to try to be someone else - to protect people instead of being protected.
[ he'll just reach over and sort of. pat buzen on the arm. partially to show he's not skittish around him. it's alright. you stab a guy once and maybe that just makes you closer. ]
Sometimes it's hard to describe, right? Like, why do you love Matsui? You probably just knew. [ how do you talk about true love. ] When we met, she was a rebellious princess who ignored her wards and fought with castle guards to run into the woods to talk to a frog. She never cared what people thought of her, or what they wanted her to be, she was going to do exactly as she liked. She was fascinating and ferocious and angry and brave, and she was my friend. She saved me. I think for a long time, we had each other in a very isolated world.
[ digging his nails into his own arm for a second (did he used to have those?) and then letting go. letting out a breath he was pretty sure he'd been holding since all of this started. ]
I've been thinking about that.
[ which is also an improvement, in this answer, which used to be I don't know that I will ever see her again. ]
I think, if we can- maybe choose to go back a little while, I could change some things. Not mess it up so badly. Tell her that I'm her friend, first and foremost, forever, and I don't need her to save me or drag me out of the pond. That I'll really be okay on my own. Or-- You know. With other people to rely on too.
[buzen has strong feelings about trying to change things - but he hopes the rules for gerard's world are different. just based on shared memories, he can't help but feel like they probably are. so instead he just listens without judgment, and he'll just gently squeeze the hand underneath his own]
I hope you can tell her. Whether it's going back, or moving forward - I hope that you find a way to tell her everything that you want to.
For Matsu and I... I was summoned knowing that there are people I belong beside. Him, and the rest of the Gous. Even if I didn't know what to call it - whether it's love or something else - I know that I'm meant to be next to them. No matter what everything else looks like.
It probably looks different for you and Elo-san. But... I like the idea that there are people we're meant to find and meet. One way or another. However things turn out.
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It really isn’t terrible. Hard to think you’re in a loop if you stay injured, right? Those types of things wouldn’t stay.
[ but, uuuuuh. shaking his head so quickly at the offer. ]
You don’t need forgiveness - you already have it. You really don’t have anything to apologize for. [ long lasting grudges aren’t really his thing. slow-burning anger isn’t his sin. if he’s angry it’s quick and hot and passes pretty harmlessly in the end. ] You weren’t of your own mind. I think I’m the one that should be apologizing. I— we could have looped again. Figured out some other way with you and Nahida. And I’m the one that tried to destroy it.
no subject
... then "you don't need forgiveness - you already have it". Those were the words you used, right? I'll borrow them too, if that's okay.
Everyone was tired of the loops. Nahi-chan was frustrated, and we could only stand losing our friends and each other so many times. Each one hurt. It was a tough way to end it... but it ended. So maybe you're the reason we were even able to get out of there, Ge-san.
... even though I imagine it's hard to sit with what happened... You aren't the bug, Ge-san. You're not an existence that destroys others.
You know that, right?
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the thing about seeing elody again is a good reminder of the fact that he never really listened when she told him things either, and that maybe hearing other people when they tell you things is something he should try to be doing. ]
I-- [ he wipes at his face. ] Okay. Yeah. I think I know that. I do know that.
[ or at the very least, he doesn't think he'd ever try to do it again. ]
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... I'll keep reminding you when it gets hard to remember. Nahi-chan will too. We're not mad at you.
You've been working hard the entire time you've been here to try to be someone else - to protect people instead of being protected.
This messed up mission doesn't erase all of that.
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I think I just really miss Elody.
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... you love her. It makes sense.
[ . . . ]
Do you want to talk about it? All the things you love about her, and what you want to say to her when you see her again?
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[ digging his nails into his own arm for a second (did he used to have those?) and then letting go. letting out a breath he was pretty sure he'd been holding since all of this started. ]
I've been thinking about that.
[ which is also an improvement, in this answer, which used to be I don't know that I will ever see her again. ]
I think, if we can- maybe choose to go back a little while, I could change some things. Not mess it up so badly. Tell her that I'm her friend, first and foremost, forever, and I don't need her to save me or drag me out of the pond. That I'll really be okay on my own. Or-- You know. With other people to rely on too.
no subject
I hope you can tell her. Whether it's going back, or moving forward - I hope that you find a way to tell her everything that you want to.
For Matsu and I... I was summoned knowing that there are people I belong beside. Him, and the rest of the Gous. Even if I didn't know what to call it - whether it's love or something else - I know that I'm meant to be next to them. No matter what everything else looks like.
It probably looks different for you and Elo-san. But... I like the idea that there are people we're meant to find and meet. One way or another. However things turn out.