I don’t think we ought to keep the team from him. I already spoke to Lambda some, and I don’t ... think I have any right to take her story from her, about who did that to her.
But I think we should consider letting me take the blame entirely for the things that ended with him scapegoated. It would be easy to pretend it was me alone. And then if he does choose to lash out, it will have a focus.
[he nods along... well, if gerard is talking to the others involved, buzen feels like he can't really have that strong of an opinion on it. it's not really his place.
there's still something that bugs him about it, though.]
If that's what you want, then I won't say otherwise.
... but do you ever think that you're a little too quick to take all the blame on yourself, Ge-san?
[ he hasn’t spoken to fukuzawa about it yet, but he thinks that might actually be the biggest hurdle. he doesn’t imagine he’ll be a fan. ]
I don’t know. Maybe. [ he’ll be honest that he knows he’s trying to jump on a grenade here that might not even explode but. ] I never have in the past. I’ve never taken the blame for anything, always tried to blame outside forces. My curse, the fairies, the war, destiny itself.
I know... You mentioned it. So I get it, when you feel like that there's something you have to atone or correct for. Maybe what you're doing is the right path...
[but buzen shrugs, letting his gaze flick up to the sky in thought]
Or if you're too quick to fall on your own blade, you might not realize people don't want you to. It's hard to say.
... I don't know. Tell the truth? Make everyone take responsibility for what they did?
Froggystyle might've framed him, but Fuku-sensei was the one who told him not to share information for some weird reason and then Si-san's the one who went out and killed him for an even weirder reason. Hot Mess is the one who took the fall anyway, so...
You can apologize and say you regret what you did. It might not be good enough for him. But if the price he asks you to pay to make it even is too high, that's not your fault.
[ yeah, this does sort of prove to him that buzen is just a much better person and/or sword than he is, but it’s ... inspiring, at least. if he can manage a fraction of this ability to be honest it might be a good thing. ]
We’ll see what I’m able to make myself do in the end about it. I don’t know that I have that kind of backbone, but— I’ll try.
Think of it less as backbone and more that... well, everyone needs to pick up their share of the weight. Things like this are rarely just one person's fault.
[he'll just pat gerard's shoulder]
I'm on the outside, so it might be easier for me to say whatever I want about it. But whatever you choose... I'll root for you.
[ buzen is a simpleton but he says it all so confidently and coolly that gerard’s man crush is getting so bad. he just thinks buzen is the most reliable guy on the planet and thats what obviously makes him attractive (to other people) (not him) (unless ........... ) ]
In my experience you can plan these conversations as much as you want and then whatever happens, happens. It’s beyond my control at this point.
[ look maybe post defroggy and post full divorce he can have a hot frog summer but right now this is the depressed guy wandering ikea phase ]
I guess to your point then I’ll be honest with you, everyone is speaking as if Simon gets one “free shot” on me, so to speak, and I can’t say that I’m actually totally on board with this great idea where I have to sit here all night and think about dying horribly.
If people are saying that, it's probably just because they have a different threshold of violence. You're not even the one who killed him... You can defend yourself if you want to.
Just put him to sleep if he comes at you - like you did Shen-san. It doesn't have to hurt.
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[he nods at that, understanding]
Well... between you, Fuku-sensei, and Lam-san... I feel like someone might end up telling him the team at least.
Are you worried he'll lash out over it?
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But I think we should consider letting me take the blame entirely for the things that ended with him scapegoated. It would be easy to pretend it was me alone. And then if he does choose to lash out, it will have a focus.
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there's still something that bugs him about it, though.]
If that's what you want, then I won't say otherwise.
... but do you ever think that you're a little too quick to take all the blame on yourself, Ge-san?
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I don’t know. Maybe. [ he’ll be honest that he knows he’s trying to jump on a grenade here that might not even explode but. ] I never have in the past. I’ve never taken the blame for anything, always tried to blame outside forces. My curse, the fairies, the war, destiny itself.
I used to be a lot different, you know?
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[but buzen shrugs, letting his gaze flick up to the sky in thought]
Or if you're too quick to fall on your own blade, you might not realize people don't want you to. It's hard to say.
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[ there’s certainly people here who he feels the same way about? he’s been in arguments with several of them over this exact problem. ]
... What would you do?
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... I don't know. Tell the truth? Make everyone take responsibility for what they did?
Froggystyle might've framed him, but Fuku-sensei was the one who told him not to share information for some weird reason and then Si-san's the one who went out and killed him for an even weirder reason. Hot Mess is the one who took the fall anyway, so...
You can apologize and say you regret what you did. It might not be good enough for him. But if the price he asks you to pay to make it even is too high, that's not your fault.
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We’ll see what I’m able to make myself do in the end about it. I don’t know that I have that kind of backbone, but— I’ll try.
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Think of it less as backbone and more that... well, everyone needs to pick up their share of the weight. Things like this are rarely just one person's fault.
[he'll just pat gerard's shoulder]
I'm on the outside, so it might be easier for me to say whatever I want about it. But whatever you choose... I'll root for you.
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In my experience you can plan these conversations as much as you want and then whatever happens, happens. It’s beyond my control at this point.
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but buzen nods at that, ultimately in agreement]
It is. Just see how you feel tomorrow and do what you think you can live with, okay?
In the end, we all have to work together to get ourselves out of this mess anyway.
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I guess to your point then I’ll be honest with you, everyone is speaking as if Simon gets one “free shot” on me, so to speak, and I can’t say that I’m actually totally on board with this great idea where I have to sit here all night and think about dying horribly.
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If people are saying that, it's probably just because they have a different threshold of violence. You're not even the one who killed him... You can defend yourself if you want to.
Just put him to sleep if he comes at you - like you did Shen-san. It doesn't have to hurt.
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[ unfortunately poison takes time to work, but. ]
At least this is all almost over. One way or another.
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[and then simon only attacked setsu? what a plot twist,]
... are you worried, Ge-san? About how things are going to turn out.